A Blue-Collar Guide to Political Word Salad by Denis Podany

If you’ve ever listened to a politician and thought, “I know all the words, but the sentence doesn’t make sense,” this is for you.

Modern politics sounds like English, but swaps the meanings when you’re not looking. So, here’s a translation guide – from the factory floor, the site cabin, the van, and the pub. No theory. No hate. Just plain English (it’s the only language I speak).

Equity: Has come to mean equal outcomes, regardless of effort, choices or personal achievement.

Social Justice: Leftist party politics framed as moral law. Disagree, and you’re not wrong – you’re immoral.

Lived Experience: Work forty years, pay tax, raise kids – nice. But if your story doesn’t fit the approved narrative, it counts less, or not at all.

Hate Speech: Threats, abuse, or firm disagreement without the right apology attached.

Diversity: You have to accept people who are different in race, religion or culture. However, diversity of thought doesn’t get an invite.

Inclusion: Everyone is welcome – as long as they agree with our agenda.

Safe Spaces: Used to mean protection from harm. Now means protection from disagreement.

Systemic: Used to mean a problem that is built in to a system. Now means a problem where questioning it proves that you’re part of it.

The Science: Used to mean unbiased, objective conclusions based on the scientific method. Now means an academic study that agrees with us today, or its press release. Debate closed.

Progress: Used to mean improvement. Now means change – whether it works or not.

Compassion: Used to mean kindness. Now means policies that feel or look good now, and will cause big problems later.

Democracy: Used to mean making decisions according to the will of the people. Now means making decisions only by those who’ve been “educated” to vote correctly.

“We’re listening”: We’ve already decided.

“Lessons will be learned”: Nothing will change.

“We take this seriously”: We hope this blows over.

“No decision has been made”: The decision has been made, but I’m not going to tell you, because you probably won’t like it.

“It’s complex”: I can’t, or don’t want to, put it into plain English.

“We welcome the debate”: You can only speak out if you agree with us.

“Absolutely!”: Never going to happen.

Absolute Gibberish

Politics is the only job where saying nothing takes so many words. When words are used to hide rot, at first, it’s just irritating. Then you realise it’s doing a job.

This language isn’t used to explain failure – it’s used to bury it. Behind the soft phrases sits real damage. Neglect gets re-named “capacity pressures.” Cover-ups are called “ongoing reviews.” Harm is reduced to “stakeholders affected.” No-one will be held accountable, because “processes were followed.”

It’s not accidental. It protects institutions first, people last.

Anyone who’s worked a real job knows this wouldn’t fly. Break something at work and say “lessons will be learned” – you’d be laughed out of the room or shown the door. Politics is the only place where failure gets a lame excuse instead of discipline or the sack.

How We Kill This Language Off

Not with shouting. With rules. A Plain-English Code for Public Communication.

• Ban passive language. No more “mistakes were made.”
• Every statement must answer: What happened. Who was responsible. What’s changed.
• Mandatory accountability. This is public office!
• No emotional padding. If nothing is changing, say so.
• Plain English test: If a 16-year-old apprentice can’t understand it, it doesn’t go out.
• Consequences for evasion. If language is used to mislead, it is misconduct, not style.

Final Thought

Most people can handle bad news. What they can’t stand is being managed instead of informed. Politics doesn’t need better spin. It needs fewer words and more honesty, as dry as a January radiator, plain as a pint of bitter. Clear enough that nobody needs a translator.

That’s not radical, that’s just competence.

I grew up virtually apolitical. Until recently, when I realised we have heard so much of this waffle that we have all tuned out. This was the point, and we all fell for it. It’s not our fault, we never thought the public were meant to be the guardians of free speech, the guardians of our country. After all that is the point of a government… Right?!

But people who didn’t have our best interests at heart, ran our country into the ground. And now we, along with citizen journalists and other social media, must become the guardians of free speech. We are also becoming the guardians of our country.

It will take a little time, but we can make politics clear to the layman. We can remove these words and phrases that politicians hide behind, finally making them deliver actual information, and be accountable for the results.